Jul. 23rd, 2013

zoeybunnygals: (Default)

I had to get this out. I need to get this out.
I'm at work, but I feel like I want to just get away from everything and cries my eyes out. I can't focus on work anymore (haven't been for the past 3 hours anyway).

I hate this feeling. The feeling like I'm constantly waiting and checking for phone calls, messages, skype...anything. I can't focus because I'm working my way up to an anxiety panic attack. The one person who had a partial guilt in causing this is also the only person who can help me get rid of it.

My hands are shaking so terribly that it now has spread to the rest of my body, but nothing compare to the loud beating of my heart. we are so different, but yet he understand me so perfectly. Isn't it odd? He knows me so well yet he refused to acknowledge my needs for his comfort whether its physical or emotional. When he finally asked me what I needed from him, I can't even get two words out of my mouth before he cut me off and practically screamed at my face on how I "purposely extended" the conversation into a fight.

I feel like shit. I do. I tried to calm myself down. I do. I tried. But I can't because to me he's my rock. He knows he's my rock. He knows I need his words of comfort since he can't be right next to me. But the things he said when I needed him the most hurt the most. It's in situation like this that make me want to give up.

It hurts to hear him say I'm being unreasonable yet for all the years we known each other, I have always given in to what he wants. It hurts to have his words being mean and harsh despite him knowing what it will do to me.

If I was at home, I would probably lock myself in my room and cried my eyes out. But since I'm at work. I can't. It's frustrating to keep everything in when I'm so close to break down physically and mentally. I need an outlet. I really do.


zoeybunnygals: (Default)

August 2013

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